Just call out my name…

Image result for suicide quote


I’ve really been trying to avoid writing during “other bad times” for fear that it will affect my words.  This space is supposed to be strictly for my own internal issues.  Outside influences should not be brought up in the space.


Having said this, there are times when something happens that sets me off on my own dark and merry little path of self hate and helps to reinforce my own loathing.

I can’t help it.  It’s how I’m built.  Second to this, I see the people in my life being hurt by what’s going on, and how others are making light of a pretty fucking serious situation.  My wife is exposed daily to the landslide of hatred aimed at her and others like her.

fucking DAILY, people.


can you imagine?


Wake up, make coffee, have that first smoke of the day ( or not if you’re nicotine free).  Think, ” Hey, I wonder what’s happening on social media?”

Open up your facebook, and BAM!  Get inundated with Trump’s hatred, his followers hatred and ignorance, people who insist on cramming their disgust down your throat, before you’ve even had a chance to hit “block”.  I was called a transgendered faggot by one of these troglodytes.  I can only imagine what my wife and others like her face all the time.  The fear, social anxiety, the hiding who you are…..you do not know until you walk a mile in their shoes.

If tomorrow, a media onslaught happened that demonized Christians ( oh stop, I hear some of you crying out ” but that happens now!”), and you were afraid, not only to walk down the street, but to speak to anyone for fear of the putrid vitriol that spews out of normally educated mouths and minds – what would you do?  No one would be safe for you.  NO ONE.

You fear losing your job.  You fear making new friendships.  You fear being left alone and abandoned.  You fear beatings, and/or loss of life.  The sheer bulk of having to hide something that is an integral part of you for those fears and more creates the emotional equivalent of living in a bunker during war times.  You are called an abomination, abhorrent,  abnormal because of something that you CHOOSE to believe in.  That’s the rub.  YOU CHOSE TO BELIEVE IN SOMETHING, while the transgender community doesn’t get a choice.  Science has proven so much so far, and yet the ignorant masses turn their backs on evidence to the contrary of their small minded little thoughts.

Choices.  We all have them and make them.  We choose to follow a certain god.  We choose our clothes.  We choose how to treat people.  We choose what to believe.


Today, I choose to put my own things aside and love my beautiful, amazing, wonderful wife.  The woman who is generous, kind and soft hearted.  The lady who loves animals, cooks like a chef, and gives, without question, some of the best hugs in creation.  She is intelligent, well spoken and eloquent.   She is honest and has integrity.

…oh, and she’s trans.


See what I did there?  Though being trans is PART of the defining factor in someone, it is not the SUM of the person, or even the greater of the whole.  We’d all do well to remember that.



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